Ode To a Hug Never Returned (Original Poem + Visual)

It is cold and blue and I’m walking home

I close my eyes, still walking

Now I’m home

But not the home I meant to return to

I step into your embrace

I feel you close to me

One hand behind my head

The other

Behind my back

Your smile and your laughter engulf me

I’m drowning

But you don’t seem to mind

And I suppose,

Neither do I

I hear your heartbeat

Steady

Like the click of a metronome

My hands rest above the keys of a piano

A long beat of

Hesitation

It beats like the opening to a song

That just won’t start playing

I smell your perfume

And I let it inflate my lungs

Sweet, acidic oranges

Like rain on a sunny day

My joy is spread from cheek to cheek

The sun warms my skin

And the rain

Drops like icy tears through the blazing yellow

I am breathing so

Heavy

That I feel your weight on my lungs

The weight of an imagination so wild

So free

That I feel you

Even though

When I open my eyes

You are not

Here

You never were

Where did your illuminating smile go?

Your heart shaped metronome?

The beaming yellow sky?

You hold me

Everytime I close my eyes

I’m so sorry

That I’ll never get to return to you

What you never knew

You gave

To me